life is a puzzle; you are a piece

It isn’t how big of a piece you are of the puzzle. It’s that you fit. We all fit together. You can’t focus too much on your one piece or you’ll miss the big picture. Sometimes a painting is so beautiful, but it’s not beautiful because you spend your day painting broad strokes. You appreciate the fine strokes that add character, that add definition. Puzzles are often challenging and sometimes you need different pieces. There are corner and side pieces that give you a framework to build with; there are the groups of similar pieces that form a part of the picture. Further in, when the picture is almost complete, it can be hard to find those few last pieces that complete the landscape. These can make it very difficult to want to finish, but they can also make finishing the puzzle worth it. And when you think you find just where that one piece will fit, it doesn’t. Or you make it. Life’s not a perfect puzzle. A perfect puzzle is only one path. To live for that one perfect puzzle or that one perfect piece is to miss the entire adventure that is the whole picture. Life is wandering and finding the pieces that fit best. Sometimes they find you.

love has wings

There is something about a heron, unlike anything else. It’s as big as an eagle, but it flies as low as a goose. When you are walking through the woods and you come across a stream or a lake, you may miss the heron entirely – it knows how to be completely still. It’s strong; every beat from its wings is of power, so too its stance. It so simply is. If you’ve ever been by a heron nest, you know how big the nests can be by how loud the baby herons are. For some reason, they are so loud, but their parents are so quiet. I think that says something about the love of a parent or grandparent or uncle or cousin or niece…love is an action and a silence. It is a fireworks display or a house built of gold. It is unique and universal and special. It is flying low from the peace of the water to the noisy, bustling nest of twigs and branches.

I come to you as I am

I’m inside again today. (I must be if I’m writing this). Anyhow, I’ve had plenty of time to think in this transition period. Sometimes you need to take all the pieces apart to remember that they fit together. Formula 1 race team mechanics routinely take apart and put together the car engines so that the cars run optimally – I wonder if the same is true of the drivers.

Right now I’m reading Living, Loving & Learning by Leo Buscaglia. Lent to me from my Auntie Mo, this is such a transformative book. The book is a compilation of transcripts from various lectures that he gave around the world. Like the work of Carl Rogers, I think it is a true insight into what it means to be human and live. Sometimes we forget what or who we are. It is those we choose to surround ourselves with who guide us back to who we are. It doesn’t matter how many minutes of the film that you chase the one you love, it is the continual, dynamic memory that stays with you after you have long left the theatre. It is the kiss that lasts a moment, but lives forever. It is holding hands because you’re crossing the street, but you’re crossing the street because you’re holding hands.

what you are (to me)

i’ve got my closure but
that does not mean that i
will not cry
i will not ask why (not)
and wonder if that night
we would have got caught
or wish you the best that
everything in heaven and earth
can afford
hang on every wall in my memory
your every word
and laugh at you
laughing at me
because i did something
so you would look
so you would see
that you are everything
(because you are everything)


Today I’ve been mostly inside the house. Curling up to a good book, and some therapeutic music. Times have been kind of interesting lately. Not to divulge too much personal information, but I have been grieving and relieving and feeling up and feeling down and feeling up again. Life seems to have this vitality about it; no matter what you do, you can’t escape creation. The smallest moments in life become memories. It’s felt difficult to let some things go, but I am amazed at how quickly it fills with growth. Free up a little space and watch what grows; there is a place for everything in nature. Following the tracks of a moose: a deer, a raccoon, a person, a mouse, an acorn, a grouse. Carve a path through the field and the trees grow huge around it.