Today I’m doing some emotional housecleaning. I think that’s a good metaphor: housecleaning. Like when you get around to a long-awaited clean of your room or garage, you sort through all that you’ve collected. Sometimes things have cluttered to the point where you need to make your house messy before you can make it clean, unpacking boxes to see what’s inside of them. It’s good to take the time to figure out what’s worth keeping and what I can let go. If everything was kept, there would be no way to know what is quality and what isn’t.
I’m sorting through my memory bank, organizing and evaluating for accuracy. Taking memories out and dusting them off before deciding where to put them. I’m finding some memories that I’d forgotten about. Sometimes something old is as novel as something new.
I once read that life is a series of moments. Each moment is a complete whole and time is the illusion we play with to experience the full range of the moment. This makes sense with regards to memory; sometimes it takes more time for you to understand the whole meaning of the moment. Either the pool of water you jump into with both feet or the stream that trickles drop by drop, each adding to the greater. Just like a movie is an entire piece, we can be at any local point (like 1 min. 40 seconds or scene 10).
A moment is an entire puzzle and a place in that moment is a piece of it. On some pieces are whole images, like a fish in an ocean puzzle. Others may have pieces of a bigger shape like the spout of a whale. Together they form the big picture.
Forgive me for being so absent. It’s hard to find the will in me to come post when Mr. Sun Sun (Mr. Golden Sun) blesses us with his company.
I have been working on my music lately: recording with one buddy and jamming with another. It’s amazing how once I think I know a thing or two about music I am quickly humbled by how much I need to learn. There is only one constant in life and that is change. Hopefully I can get you all an album this year. It would be my first.
That’s all for now. Just want to remind you I’m alive. And that you’re loved, wanted and human. Yes, I mean you.
Love to you all and feel free to drop me a line if there’s something I should know about.
Do I sound like you?
One problem I have from time to time is indecision. At any given moment I will see an open field of possibilities and be unable to take a step. The consequence of doing nothing is that I don’t explore any part of the field. I just waste my potential stagnating.
So many times I want to get it right but fail to even start. Or I start but I don’t follow through. I know this is partly who I am but that interferes with who I want to be.
Solution? Make a mistake.
This means acting on my goals with the knowledge that I can fail. That I have permission from myself to fail. I am allowed to be imperfect and I am accepted if I reach my goal or not, plus I am encouraged to try. The best part about making mistakes is that you are never your mistake, you are what you learn from them. You are who you are because of them.
I know that this type of thinking comes from a place of perfectionism. For so many times in my life I’ve wanted things to be perfect. I’ve wanted ME to be perfect. But the truth is, we are humans. Humans make mistakes. By comparing myself to perfection, I am doomed to fail because I never will be perfection. But I can be human.
Instead of a perpetuation of negativity, this is a liberating epiphany. A popular lecturer of the 70s, Leo Buscaglia, spoke inherently about love and the potential of a human being. Buscaglia believed that humans could fly. Why couldn’t we? There is so much potential the human being that it would be impossible to say it had a limit. So few people reach even half of their potential.
You are not the static image of your peers that they say you are (unless you choose to be). You are a dynamic, growing individual who is never the same at any given moment. The molecules that make your body are also the molecules that never go to waste in nature. The smallest puddles quickly become ponds.
What’s important with starting projects and embarking on goals is to understand there will be mistakes but also that there will be successes. It is not one or the other that makes life enjoyable but both together. For some, getting out of bed or cooking dinner is a success. Use the fallen blocks of your failures to build on your successes.
Know that living life is a journey. Death hits us all, but life only happens to those who choose it.
A long overdue announcement: My poem “b” was published in SFU’s literary journal Ampersand. I am very honoured and excited to have a poem recognized by a publication. The launch party was at Cafe Montmartre on Main Street, where I had the chance to read my poem. Because “b” is very much a visual poem, it was a challenge and a privilege to present it in front of the board of editors, my published peers and the audience (mostly friends and family).
Please contact the Ampersand team at firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like to get a copy — at $5, it’s very affordable.