Goldeneye 007 – For Wii

Goldeneye 007. This game deserves its own post, its own novel, its own movie, its own smelly rubber wristbands. This game is so damn good that I feel filthy just watching this trailer. Now it’s on Wii.

Remember those days of N64, with a room full of cousins on a holiday or a birthday sweating away the muggy bedroom because there’s like eight of us in there? No? Well I certainly do. Those were the beloved, nostalgic days of getting into fights over which cousin got to be which character and what sort of level to play in multiplayer. Hell, we got into fights just over which controller who got to use. But they were all worth it. This game is responsible for many frustrated days-turn-nights of summers long since gone where my brother and I would try to beat levels in ridiculous times just to unlock some sort of cheat that we would never even use. It was for the novelty of it. Like touching another for the first time, there was some sort of fascination – some sort of budding curiosity – to just glimpse at what was next. If even to drop it cold like a defaced ant farm littered with many unlucky garden insects due to our limited attention spans. Yes, I meant “filthy.”

But I digress. This game has been THE game that we always talk about. Whether our conversation is as serious as who the Vancouver Canucks should have drafted or how bad the Grizzlies suck, my brother and cousins and friends and anybody else who just so happened to experience the fortunate childhood pinnacle as Goldeneye can always – always – cut the conversation with a reference to this timeless game.

You have to admit, whether you fantasized about a slender, blonde Link picking you up and galloping away on his trusty steed Epona, or if you had spent many hours breaking backs in a wrestling game, you too had an instant gratified joy of shooting scientists in the bum to see them grab their ass. Even if it was Dr. Doak who necessary for your mission. It didn’t matter, not the first, second or thousandth time.

There was the gameplay, the multiplayer, the paintball mode. The grenade launcher, the throwing knives, the unarmed slap. Proximity mines, remote mines, and a fucking tank. A watch laser, a moonraker, a …well you get the point. This game had it all. If none of the previously listed things even elicits a slight increase in perspiration or elevated heart rate, you do not deserve to share my oxygen. This game is one of the few Greats (capital “G”) to absolutely guarantee playership amongst complete strangers. I bet you could pick up any random soul floating amidst ship-wrecked islands in the Bermuda Triangle and he would know what a Klobb is.

So here is the blog post saluting, giving thanks, and perhaps paying but the smallest tribute to the greatest game ever created, ever played, and ever re-made. Thank-you, Rare. You live in my heart.

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4 thoughts on “Goldeneye 007 – For Wii

  1. Im with you man, I share your nostalgic memories of this blockbuster game. Such a small development team led to such love for the game- which was shared by millions of gamers the world over. Will we ever see days like them again? I doubt it- the times are a changing. Its not a bad thing, just a different thing. I’d rather leave goldeneye just as it was than see some remake trying hard to impress the old fans. I see it like an old comedian who’s sanding on stage in a youth club just repeating his old catch phrases for an audience who still remember him fondly but have moved on. I’ve had a bit of a moan of my own on this point if you’d care to take a look:
    http://quiteenjoy.wordpress.com/2010/06/21/golden-leave-it-alone-eye/

  2. @Brown,

    I agree with you bro. This game had an effect on the populous like no other – connecting all along the spectrum of gaming and giving Nintendo Power magazine MANY examples of beloved video game “innovation.” Goldeneye was the game to show that small biz works, that big thing do come in small packages. But is it the same? Now I have to say I just about had an orgasm in my pants watching that trailer, but having talked about this game for a day – and reading your blog – I do share your skepticism. Partly I cannot give up my near and dear memories (which still feel so near) of the real Goldeneye for N64…which sits in a box not too far from me..to make way for a new version of the same old. It’s kind of like if George Carlin got a pimped up makeover or sold out and went super Hollywood; if Cheech & Chong suddenly started touring with Dane Cook; if CoCo O’Brien went back to NBC – it would just be for the ratings. At the same time, the fact that you can plug in a Classic controller and play this new, graphically-upgraded version makes me want to do it again. Maybe it’s like spicing up a sex life. Giving some lube to these wheels that oh-so want some more of that multiplayer goodness.

    Who should we be mad at about this, I wonder: big business Activision for ripping off a small business RareWare creation? Capitalism? Is Nintendo a sellout? It’s hard to say. Maybe in this world of economic shortage, Rare has started to rub with bigger shoulders. But like any great legend of the past, the original will live on with or without the success of new Goldeneye.

  3. I feel that that game is nothing more than a compensation for the fact that no one could agree on the rights for the original to allow its release on wii virtual console or XBLA. I don’t know if it was an Activision pitch to re-make it or weather it was just a hunt for a developer to take it on- as it was clear that rare could not since it was now Microsoft. Not that this stab at nostalgia hasn’t happened before with goldeneye. Least we forget goldeneye – rogue agent. In a time when every Bond game was bombing it was a hollow attempt at tugging the heart strings of the old school fan base of the original goldeneye- although having no connection with it except in name. I guess we will just have to wait and see. I don’t think I’d have as much a bee in my bonnet about it as I do if they didn’t include Daniel Craig as Bond- and why are there so many stealth kills in he trailer? Is it trying to take to much from Call of Duty? Horses for courses I suppose.
    Also thanks for coming along to my blog dude- trying to get some interest in it. Would be happy to link to you on my blog roll if you like?

  4. Ha ha, we’ll definitely see how this game does in the long run. I can guarantee it won’t surpass the success of original Goldeneye, but that was a sure win already. Sure, link away. :)

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